but since i started blogging, i’ve also started reading other teacher blogs, and i’m not the only one stressed out right now.  it seems to be a fairly pervasive theme. 

i mean, there are many reasons to be stressed out: 1.  the first nine weeks grades just came out and parents are demanding answers and ways to fix things that it’s just too late to fix.  2.  this new grading online stuff is irritating  3.  the new way i’m teaching my class causes severe mental exhaustion.  4.  it’s almost the holidays and i don’t want to do anything.

i am excited about the new way i’m teaching.  i’m teaching completely in the target language.  i give them 30 seconds of english at the beginning of class, and then 30 seconds at the end of class, and the rest in spanish.  some are frustrated, but i’m seeing a lot of breakthroughs.  they are finally starting to use what they know conversationally, instead of being dependent on their notes, vocab sheets, books, etc. and taking 5 minutes to pull something together.  so what if they don’t speak perfectly yet, the improvement is huge.

i need to do some planning today, but i’m going to relax a bit first.  when i got up this morning, around 8, i read for a while, then walked on the treadmill for about half an hour, and i feel really great now. 

let’s see.  this is what i plan to do today:

1. get lesson plans together for the week.

2.  grade folders.

3.  figure out how to update gradequick online.

4.  maybe get one class of projects graded.  maybe.

this realization came yesterday when i passed by the tech’s office on my way to the bathroom.  she asked me if the problem i had with downloading the plug-in for our web software had been fixed.  it took me a few to figure out what she was talking about because I TOLD HER ABOUT IT 2 MONTHS AGO!!!  TWICE!! and then i gave up, consulted the computer lab tech, who got the school board official to fix it.  (i could have honestly fixed it myself, i even knew what the problem was, but i did not have access to fix it, restricted and all.)  she said she was “wondering” about that recently and if i ever had that taken care of.  i laughed like a hyena on the inside but just told her yea. 

then it made me remember the time the lightbulb blew on my computer projector and had to wait on her because she is the keeper of the bulbs.  it took an entire week.  which felt like a year. 

and then it made me wonder about the current problem i’m having with the printer in my room, and if that’s ever going to get fixed, or if i just shouldn’t contact the district myself and cut out the middle man. 

whatever.

so, been thursday and friday (i got a whole lot done on friday), i got my file cabinet cleaned out, which i’ve been meaning to do since august, i got two large piles of things needing to be filed or tossed taken care of because the file cabinet is now organized (and just that right there made me feel better than you can even imagine),  i got a ton of crap graded, and i lesson planned for spanish 1 all the way through chapter 2, which it appears will last me until november 9th, if all goes as planned (though it usually doesn’t).  i have my spanish 2 planned through oct 17th.  then i’ll be out of town for the ffla conference in orlando for 3 days, yippee! but that works out perfect.  because after the conference, we have 2 days of planning (one of staff development) and the students come back on the 25th.  just enough time to do a little unit on the day of the dead to prepare them for the gigantic celebration we are going to have.

this celebration is still in the planning stages.  i know i’m going to make my level 1′s sing because i enjoy torturing them.  last year, in level 2, we did the whole altar thing.  they worked in groups to create a memorial altar for someone.  we had some really great responses.  especially in one class.  a boy’s mother had recently died (and i felt horrible after assigning this task), and had a hard time with it.  i was really touched to watch the rest of his classmates pitch in to help him build an altar in memory of his mom.  we all cried.  i was afraid it would be too much for him, i asked him after that first day the task was assigned if he wanted to be exempt from it, but he told me he wanted to do it.  (when we did the family tree project, he did ask to be exempt from that, and i was ok with it.)

this year, i think we’ll do the altar thing again (that sounds so pagan doesn’t it.  i need to find another way to describe it so the parents in this community don’t think we’re going to be practicing witchcraft or something, as this is a wayyy religious small town atmosphere.)  and i think we’ll make skull masks, and do a food celebration.  this year, i think i’ll make it more like a people fair.  i’m just thinking aloud here, but i wonder if i could just move my classes into another area for the day, like, oh í’m stuck.  maybe the food prep teacher will agree to trade rooms with me for the day if i bribe her really well.  we’ll see where this goes.

anyway, today i’m making my world famous tortilla española because my parents have been begging me to make it for them.  i’m planning to stay in today because it’s so gloomy outside, and i have so much to do, and i want to watch a few movies i just got.  and tomorrow i’m planning to go to church and then my brother’s for dinner, and then shopping, possibly.  anyway, i need to go chop onions and peel potatoes. 

my 1st and 2nd periods concern me.  more 1st period than anything else.  i have a student in that class who continuously makes borderline racist remarks that are starting to cause more and more disruption.  i probably antogonized the situation today in my reaction to one of his remarks, but i need to have a little chat with him, and the girl who acts like it’s her job to be his mother, before things get even more out of control.  it makes others in the class uncomfortable, and causes me stress.  and really, it will only help him if he learns when to quit.  i don’t think he means anything by it most of the time, he just hasn’t learned when it’s ok to joke, and when it’s not.

in 2nd period, i haven’t had as much problem, but mostly because the student who causes a lot of the problems has been out this week for fcat retakes.  the entire atmosphere in the class has changed.  but when she is there, she likes to pick fights with another boy, who, bless his soul, has no idea what in the world he has done.

what is it about my teaching style that makes people feel so free to give their opinion in such a rude way.  have i made them too comfortable? probably.  i think part of the problem is that because this is a second language class, we have to converse, and the best way i know to promote fluency, is to talk about everyday things, and get them immersed, and in the process, their opinions eventually ooze out.  i guess i need to spend some more time going over what is ok, and what isn’t, rules for classroom discussions, and eliminating rudeness.  how do i stop people from being rude and unkind to one another though?  create some sort of rude people assignment? i suppose i could do that.  just have a folder labeled “rude student assignments” and give it to a student when he/she is rude in class and tell them to work on it in the backroom and not allow them to return to class unless they can participate kindly and appropriately in class discussions.  we’ll see.

i am, however, excited about starting a new chapter.  this first one seems like it has taken forever and a day to complete in level 1 (we’re STILL not done in level 2, but i had to do more review with them).  i just got 2 movies with my lead money, maria full of grace, and el norte, and i’m thinking of doing a unit on immigration, citizenship, and racism.  i think it’s time, considering the problems i’ve had in 1st period.

o well, i need to get finished with my plans for level 2, i need to write a few assignments, and then hopefully i can plan out the rest of the chapter.  hopefully, we’ll be able to fit another test in before the end of the nine weeks (next friday). 

first, i’ve had a lot of stress this year, what with being sick right at the beginning of the year, mom being in the hospital, having to totally rewrite lesson plans because we have new books, having more responsibilities than ever before.  the stress is frankly burying me.

on the other hand, i have kept graded papers more up to date than usual.  i still haven’t gotten into a habit of actually passing them back in a timely manner, but they are graded.  one step in the way of progress at a time.  so when someone made a comment about my grading of papers (with an attitude i might add that implied bad teacher vibes, which always tends to send me into a rage), i reasonably felt a bit like screaming.

this actually ties in with another problem.  i’ve spent so much time since the beginning of school (around august 14th really) making sure my lesson plans were done, getting papers graded, fulfilling all my responsibilities, and trying to stay positive even when students make me want to scream, that i have had not much “me” time at all.  heck, i don’t even know what that is anymore.  it’s a foreign concept.  right along with sleep.  what are those, anyway?  i think the latter is something i do while drooling over a half graded paper late at night.

so when students start to misbehave (which they do nearly every day, that’s not the bad part), and then get an attitude about their misbehavior, and disrespectully refuse SHUT UP while i am trying teach, start class, read directions which then have to be repeated 7 times (yes, i counted yesterday), and then act offended when i don’t want to listen to their story about their uncle jed, which they decided to tell despite the fact that i intentionally did not call on their waving hand because i knew where this would be going, and then they decided to SHOUT it out anyway while i am in the MIDDLE of giving notes, like i should even care about their story when they have interrupted me and refused to listen to me first, or when particular students in a particular period decide that they will have their own little social hour and then whine about their grades because they didn’t understand, suprise suprise, after NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING I SAID, i guess you can see where i might be a little depressed/angry/feel utterly worthless and ineffective, having devoted pretty much 99.9% of my time to people who, this week i feel, have completed disregarded and disrepected me.

clearly, i need a mental health day.  bad.  but i can’t take a day off right now because i’ve already been out too many times from being sick and helping my mom, and then i’m going to be out again in october to go to a conference.  it just wouldn’t be the responsible and professional thing to take another day off just to chill out.  so, dutiful, dependable, and responsible person that i am, i just suck it up, and go anyway. 

instead, i’ve decided that i WILL NOT do any school related work this weekend.  i’m going to fernindina to a fiesta de something with a few other teachers that have a good sense of humor, and am going to walk on my treadmill until the rage has gone away

and then on monday, i’m laying down the law.  mean sheldon will be making a temporary come back because clearly nice sheldon is easily taken advantage of. (and yes, i know i ended that sentence with a preposition.  go grammar check someone else’s deluge of rage unless you want me to direct mine at you.)

i feel marginally better now.  time for that treadmill.

(o, and as a complete sidenote, but probably also a contributor to my sadness, i really miss last year’s spanish 2′s.  bad.. the other day, i was walking to my room from the office, and was passing the hallway in the science building, where the seniors hung out last year before school, and i felt a little pang because there were these people i didn’t recognize there.  and then i missed everyone.)

(disclaimer: i do not think my students this year are bad, although there has been some bad behavior this week.  in general, all but one class is very good natured, and even in that class it is just a handful that are very much not, but it seems like all the bad behaviors start rolling out the week before homecoming and then just keep rolling until it happens.  it’s the sense of entitlement from students that misbehave that bothers me most.  like they are entitled to just do what they please and i should just buzz off.  i do believe my feelings have been hurt this week and i just need to vent.)

1st period went well.  i had them working on an assignment practicing how to say the date in spanish.  they usually work quietly, probably because it’s 1st period and they’re still half asleep, except for one or two students.  then we reviewed the alphabet.  i did a dictation exercise and they seemed to love that.  after they got the hang of it, i started using words in spanish that they might think were neat, like pedo, haha, or chupacabra.  they had fun, i had fun.  win win situation.

2nd period is another story.  for the second year in a row, this has been my hardest class.  different group of students, different problem, but still the most difficult period of the day for me.  and it’s level 2.  that almost never happens.  i usually have it much easier with the level 2′s.  but about 80% didn’t have me last year, so it’s like establishing things all over.  my teaching strategy works in every class except this one.  i need some new plans for this class.  that’s my task for this weekend.  the class in general has a bit of an attitude.  a fight almost broke out in the room the other day, mostly because one student thinks she has the right to control everything this boy says just because she doesn’t like him.  and he honestly hasn’t said anything to deserve it.  i think there’s more to it, but i couldn’t get anything out of them.  i separated them and if it happens again, there will be major consequences.  i think we can rearrange the boy’s schedule, but what lesson is that teaching the girl?  she’s a primadonna as it is.  normally, she’s controllable, but something’s changed this year and i’m not liking it.  then today, i got serious attitude from list boy.  (had a problem with this student last year as well.  he got confrontation with me during a quiz and decided he was going to start keeping a “list” of all the “things” i supposedly do wrong and try to get other students to sign his list.  except the other students ratted him out to me and the ap straightened him out.)  so list boy decides to be confrontational again today.  i am trying to see his side of things.  his friends tease him a lot because he gets offended so easily by it, and i think he may have just been having a bad day.  at least, that’s what i think after the hall talk we had today.  we’ll see.  i’d hate to see an entire year of relationship building to go to waste.

after that, i felt nervy all day.  it was really the first conflict i’ve personally had with a student.  clearly there have been conflicts in my room, just none with me personally involved.  and it set my nerves on ice.  i was actually shaky in 5th period.  (may just be the side effects of too much caffeine and not enough food.)  but then i played “i will survive” during 5th period, since they seem to work so well to music, and i started to feel a little better.  i just can’t seem to get over it.  maybe it’s just pms.  i always have a lot of extra anxiety around that time of the month.

oh.  and i have several student’s with parents who want updates nearly continuously and we’re going to have to set some limits here.  weekly is fine.  every day is definitely not fine.  but it’s going to involve seeing the nice nasty guidance counselor and telling her of this new policy.  i’m sure ms. nice nasty won’t like that.  she seems to like creating extra work for us teachers since becoming a guidance counselor.  i love how every email she sends comes with an assignment for us.  i have this whole little “you’re not the boss of me” reaction every single time.

 hopefully tomorrow will be better.  this has been one of the worst days yet.

yesterday she came up to my desk and showed me all of the stuff she saved from spanish 1.  she saved all her notes (many of my students save their notes from 1 year to the next because they’re handy).  and then she pulled out an index card that i gave her last year.  she was in my most difficult class last year, and around christmas break, i took out some index cards and wrote a personal message and thank you to each student.  she still had hers.  i almost cried. 

but that’s not all… when she showed me her card, other students in the class started searching for theirs too.  all the students who had been in her class last year still had their index cards and had them that day.  i have to admit i welled up a little bit.

really.  unbelievable.  incredible.  i think i’m going to sleep really well tonight.

 in 1st period, my little singers wanted to go to the french classroom to sing their new song in spanish to them.  they’ve come a long way in the past 4 weeks.

 2nd period was leaps and bounds better.  i decided that sometimes classrooms that are full of negative energy can be turned around.  i did something completely out of the norm.  i brought in my double hot plate, some biscuit dough, chocolate and powdered sugar, and made them churros while they did a wordsearch on the new vocab (we just started a new chapter.)  i’ve never seen a happier bunch.  they amazingly all loved the wordsearch, and they kept coming back for more churros.  maybe on monday things will still be just as good.  i’ve had a hard time figuring out what exactly they like to help me in the planning process.  i know many people do not like the concept of “entertaining” students, i really feel like that is part of my job.  people who are entertained pay attention.  each class is different, so it takes time sometimes to figure out what makes each class tick. 

for instance, 4th period actually likes to learn.  i don’t have to work hard to entertain them.  they actually tell me what they want to learn, and what they think they need more review on.  what a concept!  when i was reviewing numbers with them a few weeks ago, they actually asked to review time (which i wasn’t really even planning to talk about in this chapter) because they didn’t remember it very well from last year.

on a side note, i’m really enjoying our new textbooks.  it’s rough adapting to new material again, but i like the overall philosophy this publisher has.  we’re using Exprésate by Holt.  It seems to focus more on fluency and it’s more grammar subtle than grammar exclusive.  i was a little concerned about the transition for the spanish 2 students between books, but after this first assessment, i don’t have many complaints.  it seems easier to promote open responses than before, and they feel like they have more options on tests and assignments than before.  and i, for one, enjoying seeing how their minds work.

well, i guess i should get back to grading.  fortunately, i’m mostly done with lesson planning for the time being.